not guaranteed

It means no one is taking anyone for granted

When things aren't going to the way you want them to be, there's nothing much you could do but accept it and deal it with

Be courage enough to face it
Life is full challenges and opportunities one must come forward to seize it
Or else someone may take it away from you
In order to be successful, being brave is important
"Be courage" is what my mind says all the time
But sometimes i feel discouraged
What can i do life is that way
When you aren't confident enough, everything doesn't go the way you want them to be
So be confident enough and face all the challenges that comes your way
That too i always say to myself
Good luck `

likely

It is my grandmother who made me strong and who makes me stronger to keep going
I owe it to her
She brings out the best in me

I miss her so much i really hope i would see her soon

Right now my focus is school

I don't even have a social life anymore

School, hospital, and work are my life

I don't even hang out with my friends anymore

I'm busy, they're busy

So we don't find time together to spend

I wish eating out and doing food trips

It's always about food i swear 

I neither lose or gain weight what is the matter with me

Let's not talk about weight it's depressing

I hope to just pass all my course this semester

I could not wait for Christmas vacation to come 

I'm just gonna spend my vacation at home watching movies and drinking hot chocolate

That would be so awesome

It's been a long time i didn't post again

I hope my readers are doing well and good

Good luck `

the curse

It always happen to me
Why?
I never did anything wrong
I do not know if i did wrong
It is what i've been always scared of
That the same thing will happen again to me
Is it going to be like this through out
It is what i've been trying to avoid for all these years
It happened all over again
This feeling i cannot shake off
Was it my own doing
I do not know what's keeping me in trying to move forward
I keep talking in the back of my head that it will never ever happen to me again
That i would never let it happen again
But even i could not do anything about it
Just let the course of actions take it effect
If that is the way i will learn, then let it be.

OUAT

When i'm to watch Once Upon A Time, it always make me realize how a person can have so much hatred in her heart that makes her want to get revenge to those people who gave her pain and misery

It troubled me how much a person can change into a completely different person

It's true it happens in real life i just don't think i've witnessed it not as the same in tv series anyway

How hatred could stay in a person's heart clouding their thoughts and mind to think clearly pushing them to do things 

Things that are unacceptable and hurt the people they love and who loves them 

What does it mean to be evil? To be wicked?

What does it mean to purely love someone?

I've been watching too much tv series one in particular

I'm getting in too much into it that i'm getting sucked in the story

If i was in the story who would i be?

What could i have done? What would i do?

One question is ringing on the back of my head

I've seen and read in somewhere and it goes like this:

"If you are the main character in a book, would you read until the end?

I don't even know how to answer that question if it was asked to me

I'm having doubts that means i would hesitate in reading until the end

I still do not know how i would survive and how i am surviving until now

So in regards to reading my own story, i am reluctant to see if i get my happy ending

change

You
He
She
They
Everyone changed
Then why can't i changed
Don't I get at least a chance to change
Does it matter if it is for better or for worse
Changing the old ways is what i know
But isn't it going to be my call to say i changed
Maybe i didn't recognize it is as i changed for the worse because i didn't see it as it was
People see differently
But you know yourself
Sometimes all you gotta do is realize it
It is up to you to acknowledged it and actually say that maybe you've changed for the worse
It takes courage and guts to say it
But if you don't admit it does not mean you are weak and coward maybe you didn't see it that it was for worse
Maybe it was the best you could do for yourself at that one point.

mirror

I was afraid to look at mirror at some point because i was scared of what i was going to see
I was terrified of what i was becoming
I knew what i was becoming but i was in denial to admit it to myself
I was blind to see what was really going on
I had to tell myself over and over again
That it was okay that i myself would be able to accept it because i could not escape it even if i tried to
At one point i had to figure out myself
I needed to overcome the fear
Even if it will sucked the life out of me.

November

So it is November now
Time flies surely fast
I couldn't believe 2014 is ending soon
One more month but christmas celebration is to happen first
I am currently struggling to go to my classes
I don't know what is happening to me i'm feeling lazy all of a sudden
This semester is overwhelming i must say
A lot of things happened
There is so many things to do and so many homework due to finish and hand in
I don't know if i could do all those things
My work isn't that stressful at all
School is more stressful and tiring i cannot lie
Everything is just going too fast i think
So many information to process that they just go in and out
Some remain in my head i hope or else i'm doomed
Clinical is stressful too
I don't even know how i am still surviving
I still believe but i don't know what is next
I need some time to breathe and rethink everything.

having a sibling

There's no one you can really trust and no one to ask my for help when you needed it.
It's not like i am complaining or anything or maybe i am complaining i don't know
I feel alone sometimes not just because i do not have a love life
But that's one issue i should not go to bcos it is complete nonsense
I don't beed a guy so i could move forward in my life
I feel lonely and neglected
Maybe it is because i do not have any siblings or cousins to talk to
I used to talk to my cousins but not so much anymore that i missed having late night talks just about everything
I used to share a room with my cousin that i missed
It is so quiet in my room the only sound playing is my laptop
I wish i have a sibling
What does it really feel like to have one
At least i can say he or she is still my brother or sister after all of what happened whatever they are
At least you can run to them if something comes up bcos he or she is your sibling no matter what
No matter what fights you had, arguments, etc
You can joke around with each other and make him or her do chores for you if you're the oldest
Jealousy with each other would be inevitable but that can be resolved
But then again i would like to hear him or her calling you and older sister/brother and the respect they have for you
Such moments are irreplaceable
Unless you don't get along
That time will solved i believe
I care
Those were my feelings.