likely

It is my grandmother who made me strong and who makes me stronger to keep going
I owe it to her
She brings out the best in me

I miss her so much i really hope i would see her soon

Right now my focus is school

I don't even have a social life anymore

School, hospital, and work are my life

I don't even hang out with my friends anymore

I'm busy, they're busy

So we don't find time together to spend

I wish eating out and doing food trips

It's always about food i swear 

I neither lose or gain weight what is the matter with me

Let's not talk about weight it's depressing

I hope to just pass all my course this semester

I could not wait for Christmas vacation to come 

I'm just gonna spend my vacation at home watching movies and drinking hot chocolate

That would be so awesome

It's been a long time i didn't post again

I hope my readers are doing well and good

Good luck `

the curse

It always happen to me
Why?
I never did anything wrong
I do not know if i did wrong
It is what i've been always scared of
That the same thing will happen again to me
Is it going to be like this through out
It is what i've been trying to avoid for all these years
It happened all over again
This feeling i cannot shake off
Was it my own doing
I do not know what's keeping me in trying to move forward
I keep talking in the back of my head that it will never ever happen to me again
That i would never let it happen again
But even i could not do anything about it
Just let the course of actions take it effect
If that is the way i will learn, then let it be.

OUAT

When i'm to watch Once Upon A Time, it always make me realize how a person can have so much hatred in her heart that makes her want to get revenge to those people who gave her pain and misery

It troubled me how much a person can change into a completely different person

It's true it happens in real life i just don't think i've witnessed it not as the same in tv series anyway

How hatred could stay in a person's heart clouding their thoughts and mind to think clearly pushing them to do things 

Things that are unacceptable and hurt the people they love and who loves them 

What does it mean to be evil? To be wicked?

What does it mean to purely love someone?

I've been watching too much tv series one in particular

I'm getting in too much into it that i'm getting sucked in the story

If i was in the story who would i be?

What could i have done? What would i do?

One question is ringing on the back of my head

I've seen and read in somewhere and it goes like this:

"If you are the main character in a book, would you read until the end?

I don't even know how to answer that question if it was asked to me

I'm having doubts that means i would hesitate in reading until the end

I still do not know how i would survive and how i am surviving until now

So in regards to reading my own story, i am reluctant to see if i get my happy ending

having a sibling

There's no one you can really trust and no one to ask my for help when you needed it.
It's not like i am complaining or anything or maybe i am complaining i don't know
I feel alone sometimes not just because i do not have a love life
But that's one issue i should not go to bcos it is complete nonsense
I don't beed a guy so i could move forward in my life
I feel lonely and neglected
Maybe it is because i do not have any siblings or cousins to talk to
I used to talk to my cousins but not so much anymore that i missed having late night talks just about everything
I used to share a room with my cousin that i missed
It is so quiet in my room the only sound playing is my laptop
I wish i have a sibling
What does it really feel like to have one
At least i can say he or she is still my brother or sister after all of what happened whatever they are
At least you can run to them if something comes up bcos he or she is your sibling no matter what
No matter what fights you had, arguments, etc
You can joke around with each other and make him or her do chores for you if you're the oldest
Jealousy with each other would be inevitable but that can be resolved
But then again i would like to hear him or her calling you and older sister/brother and the respect they have for you
Such moments are irreplaceable
Unless you don't get along
That time will solved i believe
I care
Those were my feelings.

unconditional love

Have you guys ever have that feeling when you just want to hug those people you love so dearly and say thank you to them for being a part of your life?
For supporting you and pushing you hard to be whoever you want to be
I guess everyone does
I'm telling you i'm not that kind of person
I want to be but it is hard to be one when you never had to start doing it
To me it is so awkward to do that
But i love it when others do it to me
I feel special to them
It means i'm a big part of their lives
They acknowledged me that is the great part
That's what unconditional love is right
It means you don't expect anything in return you love them and that's the point
It's what family and friends are for
In family they can send and push you away or you choose to leave but in the end they will always there for you well in some cases are
You yourself and they chose to forgive and forget and that takes courage and effort
Even if you did something wrong over again they will still accept you back unless they decided not to
that's what i like about family
In friends it's like the same kind of story but it has the privilege to chose and decide you are going to be friends with who you want to be like family
I don't know why i am saying all these i mean everyone knows these
It's something i'm writing based on what is on my mind writing helps me clear my mind
I think a lot of stuff i just don't have the courage to say it all out i don't have the right words
That is why i write it all out i'm that kind of person
Thank you for reading, more power `

the photoshoot

Bcos it is Gracia's birthday soon, she had a photoshoot in a Botanical Garden
The place was really nice and pretty
I had a hard time walking bcos of my heels (i think it's like 4 inches tall so you see my dilemma)
Anyway almost all of the time i was walking bare feet just bcos it was way easier to walk that way plus we (girls) were wearing an above the knee dress
Guys don't know how hard it is to walk in heels especially in a not flattened walkway
They should really try it sometime to see how girls feel
Urgh i just want to meet a guy who is a real gentleman and all (enough said)
I didn't have any pictures bcos i was just lazy plus i was focused in walking so i wouldn't experience to be face planted on the floor
(that would be really embarrassing if that happened to me)
I would wish the soil would just eat me up alive and wholly ~~~
Anyways, some problems arise during a special occasion and it is inevitable that one would be stressed (i felt that stress when we were preparing for my 'rents wedding, i really know the feeling even though it wasn't me who was getting married)
Something came up
In short there are too many girls in the cotillion dance, they plan on removing one girl to be exact
Louise, Eunice, and I all want to volunteer to quit in order for the dance to be perfect and all
You just gotta sacrifice sometimes right
We wouldn't want Kathleen to quit bcos she just joined the group and also we were the ones who recommended her when we were short in girls for the cotillion dance
I do really want to volunteer to quit (i'm serious)
I'm volunteering and i also do not want to wear the dress for the cotillion and i don't want to seat on the presidential seat bcos to be honest i would really feel embarrassed
I'm okay as long as i'm seated with some of my friends in a nice area
I swear i'll just be the one to be removed that would totally go to my advantage
I would want to wear something nice and different like really my style ~~~
I really hope Gracia agrees with me (there's no hard feelings)
And then the problem will be solved
By the way, i'm going to New York for 2 days
It was a birthday gift from my 'rents (thank you 'rents!)
I'll be having fun and i would really enjoy to the fullest that no one can stop me
Anticipate my updates soon after i come back from my trip
Have a nice weekend y'all!

that kind of person

I always joke around that i have a boyfriend and i'm in a relationship
Everyone just believes it
I don't know why maybe bcos i'm secretive and i don't normally say or talk about things like that
I always bluff around that people should grasp the idea that i'm just kidding
The truth is i am single and i don't have a boyfriend
People are now asking me what are my plans for my birthday (it's this upcoming July 29th)
My aunts are saying i should have a party and i should bring my boyfriend and let him meet them
They say there is nothing wrong with that
Why? It is the time for that already?
I know i'm getting old and all
But i do think that it is early besides i don't have anyone right now
I'll maybe let them meet the only guy that i am going to marry in the future
I would want that to happen
Bcos my mom preserved her wedding gown for 10 years, i joked around and told my family that i would be wearing that wedding gown after 15 years

They say i would be too old after 15 years and it is going to be hard to conceive and get pregnant let alone more than one child

I say i'll have to save money, buy and do the things that i want first before tying the know with someone

I'm that kind of person

I believe nothing is easy when it comes to love

You just have to simply survive it

When ready, one is able to meet and find the man of her dreams who would be willing to spend the rest of his life with a person like you :)

the real question

All things worth having are worth working and fighting for - but is fighting for someone when you now is not worthy of you is the right decision at all???

love crisis

They say when you fall in love you don't what will hit you until you realize you're in deep trouble
And now i'm having trouble with myself
I don't know what gotten into me to think this way
I feel it but maybe it's just bcos i actually miss being in a relationship
(i hate to admit it but i do feel like that not mostly but sometimes and rarely)
It's my blog anyway so i'll kinda talk a lil bit about it
It's the feeling of having that instinct that you've already met him but then i might be wrong
Y'know when you have your own rules to be followed that go against that feeling
(that's me)
I'm a pride person (that's why i try to do what i say and don't break my own rule bcos i don't like it when people talk and gossip about me)
My rule # 1: not to go back to an ex
and rule # 2: never be in an official long distance relationship (flirting and MU are okay) ~~~
Bcos i don't really believe in ldr's (that's just me) i just don't think they will work
But i do know some couples who are in ldr and they are doing fine
It really takes effort and trust and never forget communication
What if one day i break my own rules that would mean i'm gonna be eating my own words
I don't know if i'll have the courage to meet hose people who i've told my rules to
What will they say about me? What will they think of me?
Nah that doesn't matter right
They aren't the one whose going to be in the relationship
They're not the one whose gonna be putting all those effort, trust, and communicating to that one person
As long as i follow my heart, you follow yours
My friends told me to take a risk but it's something to really think and debate about ~~~
But then my pride is on the line
Will i be willing to risk all of it? will i take the chance? is it worth it?
When i got my fortune cookie it said my fate is on my hands literally
That means i need to do something to somehow work it out
That's pressure on my side
If i ever get to decide i'll let you guys know
Thank you so much for the people who reads my blog and for cheering on me
XYZed i'm rooting for you ~~~
I'll get over it soon
P.S. XYZed was a nickname given by my friend

on Mom's birthday

I already returned my tripod yesterday and i will get full refund from it
I went while we were on our way to celebrate my mom's birthday
Happy Birthday Mom! (June 29th, 2014)
Words cannot express how much i love that woman (no i won't be emotional & i won't cry)
Anyways it was a good thing that they were not close yet when i came
(they were closing already though)
But then it did not matter
Aww i'm gonna miss that tripod, i used it for awhile (in good use while i had it)
Maybe i'll buy soon when i really need it
Note: i will soon update about the wedding day and post some pictures

Meet Pepsi, the dog

lunch out cont'd

These pictures were taken when we were deciding where to go after we ate
Eaton Centre, Harbourfront, Spadina, any park, downtown, etc (the list goes on)
Anyways i want you all to meet my friend Eunice
She's the most creative and art person you'll ever meet (i'm biased)
Also she's a great friend and adviser (i don't mean like a teacher but kinda like a counsellor)
We just love to take pictures, there are more to come :)
Note: my friend, Eunice, has a vlog. You can check her out at https://www.youtube.com/user/vecesnitchen/about
You guys can even watch the vlog of our Fridate
and possibly my mom's wedding day (just wait for it)
Anticipate all her vlogs about just everything awesome
especially where i will be featured (hehehe peace)
Have fun and enjoy watching

Third picture: Kathleen is in the middle

attended grad

I attended my friend's brother high school graduation
Tbh, it made me remember my high school years especially during my senior year
(you know when you're graduating and you're like a boss including your friends)
It made me miss high school, being carefree and having freedom
College/university has freedom too but it feels different (that's what i think)
My friend, Kathleen and i both felt like we were the ones graduating
Bcos y'know we're all dressed up in such, looking pretty with make up ~~~
It was only last year i graduated in high school
A year later, i'm in college having the time of my life, having fun and enjoying with all the hardships and laughters all together
I hope i graduate soon in college too :)
Ooops i'm not gonna post graduation pictures of students just bcos
I wasn't the photographer but i'm taking credit for the pictures
I'll ask my friend's permission when i see her bcos it's actually from her camera ~~~

untold

I hate not being told
I become mad and i never forget
It reminds me of the past all over again and it enrages me
It enrages me that i could not stop thinking about something
Then i start over again back from the beginning, from forgiving to forgetting and it's turning into a bad habit.
Only if i have the courage to voice out my thoughts. Literally