mirror

I was afraid to look at mirror at some point because i was scared of what i was going to see
I was terrified of what i was becoming
I knew what i was becoming but i was in denial to admit it to myself
I was blind to see what was really going on
I had to tell myself over and over again
That it was okay that i myself would be able to accept it because i could not escape it even if i tried to
At one point i had to figure out myself
I needed to overcome the fear
Even if it will sucked the life out of me.

no surprise

I have no surprise of element
I'm not that kind if person hence not that type of friend
To be someone who knows
Truth be told don't expect of me
You'll just be disappointed
It hurts to see someone dearly hurt
On the side note i feel guilty i'm just not
I would trade it for anything
To have something like that is a gift
A gift that comes out naturally when you really love your friend(s)
I do love my friends i treasure them
It's just that i don't possess that
So bear with me i'm nothing alike to someone else
I truly hope they would understand
It's not to be proud of but something to be addressed
Accept a person whole heartedly that's what really matters

untold

I hate not being told
I become mad and i never forget
It reminds me of the past all over again and it enrages me
It enrages me that i could not stop thinking about something
Then i start over again back from the beginning, from forgiving to forgetting and it's turning into a bad habit.
Only if i have the courage to voice out my thoughts. Literally

b*

Every girl, lady, women was once a bitch
I just know bcos i too have been there
Idk lately i feel like i am becoming one or i was really like one before something had triggered it to resurface
No reasons.
Actually there are. I just don't want to start something i won't be able to finish
Those days that you just ask yourself if you are a real good person
A better son or daughter or niece or nephew
A true friend
A kind person overall
Am i lacking to be a better daughter
Am i too less or too much of a great friend
Am i selfish that i cannot give up my seat on the bus for an old person just bcos i feel sleepy or lazy
Those types of questions always come to my mind

Someone told me i am blooming
What does that mean? Honestly i want to hear it
Something has obviously changed. Was it for bad or for the better?
You tell me
Can't it be bcos a person is just happy and feel contented & blessed for not having his or her own securities or jealousy affect the way he or she treats other people
Can't it be the person just became emotionally matured and spiritually strengthened?
Can't it be that he or she takes time to put a huge effort to really look good not only for the benefit to please others but most especially his or her own self?
Admit it, we tend to take people who are really close to us for granted and literally use them to our advantage
Was it you who took advantage?
OR
Was it you who was taken for granted?
I'm not saying i am too good of a person bcos i am not
We all have our flaws
Maybe i've done it too. Countless times. Whether i purposely did it or unintentionally
What am saying is that do you as a person thinks about these scenarios too in your head when you're alone at night just like i always do
Like you feel guilty of something when you don't even know what you've done
Did you personally hurt others or was it you who was hurt?
I hate this. I feel guilty myself
When you find your courage to tell others what's really inside you
Remember i'm cheering on you
I hope someday soon i find mine too and you'll be cheering on me
Best of luck `

scarcely beautiful

Because i didn't get any sleep
I wrote something
It's past 7 am now
Please don't criticize or anything
I just let my emotions flow
Here it goes

I'm not the most gorgeous woman

I'm not a stunning lady

I don't come close to being pretty

I am not even slender nor sexy

I do not have a perfect long hair

I have my insecurities

I do have scars

But bit by bit

I'm putting back myself together

To fix myself

My self esteem and my confidence

Find my courage

To speak and let the world know

That i too, exist

Now,

Look at me in the eye

And

Tell me that i'm scarcely beautiful

What do you think? ~~~
Got my secret message?