not guaranteed

It means no one is taking anyone for granted

When things aren't going to the way you want them to be, there's nothing much you could do but accept it and deal it with

Be courage enough to face it
Life is full challenges and opportunities one must come forward to seize it
Or else someone may take it away from you
In order to be successful, being brave is important
"Be courage" is what my mind says all the time
But sometimes i feel discouraged
What can i do life is that way
When you aren't confident enough, everything doesn't go the way you want them to be
So be confident enough and face all the challenges that comes your way
That too i always say to myself
Good luck `

likely

It is my grandmother who made me strong and who makes me stronger to keep going
I owe it to her
She brings out the best in me

I miss her so much i really hope i would see her soon

Right now my focus is school

I don't even have a social life anymore

School, hospital, and work are my life

I don't even hang out with my friends anymore

I'm busy, they're busy

So we don't find time together to spend

I wish eating out and doing food trips

It's always about food i swear 

I neither lose or gain weight what is the matter with me

Let's not talk about weight it's depressing

I hope to just pass all my course this semester

I could not wait for Christmas vacation to come 

I'm just gonna spend my vacation at home watching movies and drinking hot chocolate

That would be so awesome

It's been a long time i didn't post again

I hope my readers are doing well and good

Good luck `

the curse

It always happen to me
Why?
I never did anything wrong
I do not know if i did wrong
It is what i've been always scared of
That the same thing will happen again to me
Is it going to be like this through out
It is what i've been trying to avoid for all these years
It happened all over again
This feeling i cannot shake off
Was it my own doing
I do not know what's keeping me in trying to move forward
I keep talking in the back of my head that it will never ever happen to me again
That i would never let it happen again
But even i could not do anything about it
Just let the course of actions take it effect
If that is the way i will learn, then let it be.

OUAT

When i'm to watch Once Upon A Time, it always make me realize how a person can have so much hatred in her heart that makes her want to get revenge to those people who gave her pain and misery

It troubled me how much a person can change into a completely different person

It's true it happens in real life i just don't think i've witnessed it not as the same in tv series anyway

How hatred could stay in a person's heart clouding their thoughts and mind to think clearly pushing them to do things 

Things that are unacceptable and hurt the people they love and who loves them 

What does it mean to be evil? To be wicked?

What does it mean to purely love someone?

I've been watching too much tv series one in particular

I'm getting in too much into it that i'm getting sucked in the story

If i was in the story who would i be?

What could i have done? What would i do?

One question is ringing on the back of my head

I've seen and read in somewhere and it goes like this:

"If you are the main character in a book, would you read until the end?

I don't even know how to answer that question if it was asked to me

I'm having doubts that means i would hesitate in reading until the end

I still do not know how i would survive and how i am surviving until now

So in regards to reading my own story, i am reluctant to see if i get my happy ending

change

You
He
She
They
Everyone changed
Then why can't i changed
Don't I get at least a chance to change
Does it matter if it is for better or for worse
Changing the old ways is what i know
But isn't it going to be my call to say i changed
Maybe i didn't recognize it is as i changed for the worse because i didn't see it as it was
People see differently
But you know yourself
Sometimes all you gotta do is realize it
It is up to you to acknowledged it and actually say that maybe you've changed for the worse
It takes courage and guts to say it
But if you don't admit it does not mean you are weak and coward maybe you didn't see it that it was for worse
Maybe it was the best you could do for yourself at that one point.

mirror

I was afraid to look at mirror at some point because i was scared of what i was going to see
I was terrified of what i was becoming
I knew what i was becoming but i was in denial to admit it to myself
I was blind to see what was really going on
I had to tell myself over and over again
That it was okay that i myself would be able to accept it because i could not escape it even if i tried to
At one point i had to figure out myself
I needed to overcome the fear
Even if it will sucked the life out of me.

November

So it is November now
Time flies surely fast
I couldn't believe 2014 is ending soon
One more month but christmas celebration is to happen first
I am currently struggling to go to my classes
I don't know what is happening to me i'm feeling lazy all of a sudden
This semester is overwhelming i must say
A lot of things happened
There is so many things to do and so many homework due to finish and hand in
I don't know if i could do all those things
My work isn't that stressful at all
School is more stressful and tiring i cannot lie
Everything is just going too fast i think
So many information to process that they just go in and out
Some remain in my head i hope or else i'm doomed
Clinical is stressful too
I don't even know how i am still surviving
I still believe but i don't know what is next
I need some time to breathe and rethink everything.

having a sibling

There's no one you can really trust and no one to ask my for help when you needed it.
It's not like i am complaining or anything or maybe i am complaining i don't know
I feel alone sometimes not just because i do not have a love life
But that's one issue i should not go to bcos it is complete nonsense
I don't beed a guy so i could move forward in my life
I feel lonely and neglected
Maybe it is because i do not have any siblings or cousins to talk to
I used to talk to my cousins but not so much anymore that i missed having late night talks just about everything
I used to share a room with my cousin that i missed
It is so quiet in my room the only sound playing is my laptop
I wish i have a sibling
What does it really feel like to have one
At least i can say he or she is still my brother or sister after all of what happened whatever they are
At least you can run to them if something comes up bcos he or she is your sibling no matter what
No matter what fights you had, arguments, etc
You can joke around with each other and make him or her do chores for you if you're the oldest
Jealousy with each other would be inevitable but that can be resolved
But then again i would like to hear him or her calling you and older sister/brother and the respect they have for you
Such moments are irreplaceable
Unless you don't get along
That time will solved i believe
I care
Those were my feelings.

first paycheque

So i got my first paycheque
Of course i was excited who wouldn't be
I was happy
Satisfied that finally all that hardwork has paid off
It wasn't big money or anything but it was still money y'know
I'm just thankful that i have a part time job
I can finally say i am working and i am getting paid for what i am doing whatever it is
I may have selfish reasons
I got a job because i want to basically buy what my wants are
But you see once u get your paycheck, you will think twice before buying anything and asking yourself would i really need it or how badly do i want it
I haven't bought anything from my want list to be honest
I don't know i have my reasons
I am planning to use it or should i say spend it to something worthwhile not just on my selfish wants
When i think about it, it is almost gone i don't know how
I didn't do yet what i was supposed to do but i will soon

neglection

I hate myself for not being able to post something in my blog
It has been so long i am really neglecting it
There's not much to talk about
Basically i'm either in school, work, clinical, hanging out with friends, or staying home
I like staying at home
I want my alone time sometimes
I don't know what to do with myself
I feel like time is running fast that i couldn't catch a glimpse of what is important
That feeling when you feel like you are missing a huge part of what is really important
What is it? I do not know
I've been asking myself a million times but answers don't pop out of your head just like when you snap your fingers
Answers don't come to you like you want them to
You don't get the real answers from your friends or family but they at least give you some ideas
Answers are to be thought deeply
In a blink of an eye i feel like i'm going to lose something important
What to do? Weigh my priorities
For now that's the only main thing right now

face mask addict

I swear i am a face mask addict 

I just love using face masks now a days from different kinds of brands

Whenever i go to pmall i always buy at least two face masks

I spend my money on face masks

At least a face mask is for the benefit of my face as Kathleen had said

As of now i think i've used four different brands as of now

The Face Shop, C&F, Innisfree, and the latest would be Tony Moly 

I think everything that i used are all Korean brand

I've used different "flavours" too such rice, green tea, vitamin E, blueberry, bamboo, and lemon

Those where the ones i remembered of

I don't know who exactly introduced me into using face masks but i'm sure it is one of my friends

Now using a face mask at least twice a week or more depending on my mood (Yes my mood) and it has become my night face care routine

Good luck on trying a face mask that best suits you and your skin type ^^

indecisively

It is finally October i cannot believe it is almost December when you think about it
I still could not believe that i have a job now and i will be working and getting paid soon
I need that extra money for myself
Knowing that i spend a lot for buying on many things on just everything it is a good thing to have a part time job on the side
It actually fit on my schedule and there was no conflict or anything
I like that i get to be relaxed and enjoy my work bcos it is not that complicated and it doesn't stress me at all
I have all the stress i could get right now so an addition would be bad
I'm so stressed enough in school and in my clinical placement that i don't need a new stressor
I have to do well on school i hope i can do it or else i'm out
To be honest i don't know what i meant when i said i'm out
I am still thinking about it when i have time to worry those things
There is just too much in my head i think i'm going to explode soon if i don't let it out
I have to have a break from everything
Stop, think, and decide
They say you're still young but you think you're already old
I feel the other people who are in the same stage as me
The deciding time whether who we really want to be in the future
What we want to be
Like so many i'm confused at times i just don't know what to think about
I'm a go with flow person
I had the chance to choose what i want no one force me into it no one put pressure on me
I myself made that decision
That decision got me to where i am today
But that doesn't mean i cannot go back
We always have that starting point to refresh and restart everything back to the beginning
Everything's complicated right?
But when you think about it isn't that complex, it is we who makes it more complicated.

long time

So i haven't been posting on my blog
As i said i really do apologize to my loyal readers
I've been really busy in school, in my clinical placement, and in my new found part time job
I'm stressed in school and in my clinical placement
There is just too much work that needs to be done
That means i have a lot of school work
Besides i'm busy training for my new job
I just don't have the time to be posting on my blog everyday or every night
Tomorrow will be the last day and hopefully i will get a work schedule for next week
Although i'm busy i've been hanging out with my friends a lot
Like really many times
There was even a point where we see each other for like 5 consecutive days it was just crazy
I guess we missed each other that much
I would like to believe that is true ~~~
I've met new people in my work and others
I hope everything turns out well
Good luck to me

a break

Today bcos i don't have school i went to a job interview

It was the same place i had my interview last July

They called me yesterday to ask for my availability bcos they needed staff

So i went in today and it had awesome results

I have now a part time job as a cashier and i will start training next week for 3 days

Sadly it is a training without pay but that doesn't matter

As long as i will get paid in the future

I went home feeling happy and all i just hope i'll do fine and not mess up things

Then i head out bcos i will be meeting Kathleen and Jem at stc

Kathleen is going to get her eye test and so she said she needed help support ~~~

We saw Eunice and Louise what a coincidence

They were eating so we had to leave them bcos Kathleen has to go to her appointment

After her appointment we went out to eat i just couldn't say no to food

Besides i haven't been spending so i said maybe it is okay for me to buy

So i had takoyaki

It was really funny bcos when i was paying i accidentally said sex instead of six

I was so embarrassed i was like kill me now

Kathleen told me just bcos i am going to be a nurse doesn't mean i have to be bold and say stuff like that in public

It wasn't my intention to embarrass myself not everyone wants that ~~~

But the takoyaki was really good i must say

And we bought milk tea

I couldn't stop myself from buying especially that has got to do with the face

We went to face shop and i bought eyebrow gel mascara, oil blotting film, and body mist (it was 40% off so i just had to) i got a free face mask

Then we went to Yves Rocher and i bought a make up remover and moisture serum

It was the most expensive thing i've ever bought for my face i just couldn't believe i did buy it

It better be worth it 

We completely had a hard time finding a gift for Gio and we still don't have one but i guess it was okay

Today was fun i badly needed a break from school and the hospital i would go crazy if i didn't

I'm glad i went out today to relax and enjoy my day off from school

Have a goodnight 

unconditional love

Have you guys ever have that feeling when you just want to hug those people you love so dearly and say thank you to them for being a part of your life?
For supporting you and pushing you hard to be whoever you want to be
I guess everyone does
I'm telling you i'm not that kind of person
I want to be but it is hard to be one when you never had to start doing it
To me it is so awkward to do that
But i love it when others do it to me
I feel special to them
It means i'm a big part of their lives
They acknowledged me that is the great part
That's what unconditional love is right
It means you don't expect anything in return you love them and that's the point
It's what family and friends are for
In family they can send and push you away or you choose to leave but in the end they will always there for you well in some cases are
You yourself and they chose to forgive and forget and that takes courage and effort
Even if you did something wrong over again they will still accept you back unless they decided not to
that's what i like about family
In friends it's like the same kind of story but it has the privilege to chose and decide you are going to be friends with who you want to be like family
I don't know why i am saying all these i mean everyone knows these
It's something i'm writing based on what is on my mind writing helps me clear my mind
I think a lot of stuff i just don't have the courage to say it all out i don't have the right words
That is why i write it all out i'm that kind of person
Thank you for reading, more power `

apology

To all my dearest readers out there
I'm so sorry that i have been neglecting my blog and i haven't been posting everyday like the usual
I've been too busy doing stuff and of course back to school
I said before that i would try to post at least once a day
But that i failed to do so
Please bare with me
My everyday life isn't that exciting like some people do
You'll get bored if i talk about it here and i bet you won't be as interested as before
So we wait and see how things go
I'm dealing with some self issues it's not much of a problem
And also i'm focusing in school i am already at my 3rd semester i hope all things go well
If not well i will have plenty of plans to jot down
Actually i only have plan b for now but i'm going to try my best just like what everybody says when it comes to the real crisis
My apologies to my readers for not posting as i was intended to
Please be patient with me
More power and God bless ^^

no surprise

I have no surprise of element
I'm not that kind if person hence not that type of friend
To be someone who knows
Truth be told don't expect of me
You'll just be disappointed
It hurts to see someone dearly hurt
On the side note i feel guilty i'm just not
I would trade it for anything
To have something like that is a gift
A gift that comes out naturally when you really love your friend(s)
I do love my friends i treasure them
It's just that i don't possess that
So bear with me i'm nothing alike to someone else
I truly hope they would understand
It's not to be proud of but something to be addressed
Accept a person whole heartedly that's what really matters

movie goer

I had to wake up early to go to my family doctor

I had to do an annually mantoux skin test as long as i'm in school which is required for me to be able to enter my clinical placement

It is used to detect if i have TB which is tuberculosis 

i have to go back after 2 days to get it checked

I realized that when i go to the doctor i am always poked with needles even the secretary/nurse noticed that

Good thing i'm not scared or anything 

Then i went to stc to meet up with Kathleen and Jem

I went to the mall first then chill while just sitting and talking to Kathleen on the phone while waiting for them

I only saw Jem for a little bit bcos she needed to go home

Kathleen and i walked around the mall and we did some window shopping

We were proud bcos we didn't spend anything at all

Gio met up with us and he treated us for lunch 

After Gio had to pay for his phone bill while i went with Kathleen to Yves Rocher to get her free self diagnostic face skin test

Then to Walmart where i bought a John Frieda nourishing oil with argan oil for my hair

It better be good i hope

I had regular poutine with extra curd and gravy Kathleen ordered for me

We decided to go watch a movie we couldn't say no to bcos it was half price every Tuesday

I wanted to watch As Above So Below which was a horror movie

But we all agreed to watch Guardians of the Galaxy instead

We watched it in ultraavx bcos they didn't have it in regular movie

It was the same price as a 3D movie

in ultraavx you get to pick where you want to be seated so even if you're late you could still have your seat bcos it is reserved especially for you

That was the good thing about it plus it  has a surround sound which was cool

The term "movie goer" was said by Kathleen bcos it was never in our plan to watch a movie

The movie was pretty funny and i enjoyed it

The funny scenes were hilarious it was a 2 hour movie

Actually Kathleen cried like 5 times during those emotional scenes (sorry Kathleen i mentioned it i just have to) whereas i myself cried only one time it was really a very touching part

I recommend watching it to others especially for kids they would love it

I'm not a kid but i liked it

In reality i'm not so hard to please most specifically in movies i just don't have to get bored 

Then time to go home i wanted to chill for a bit but Kathleen has to go home

We saw one of our highschool batchmate, Vincent

It was the earliest that i went home that i could remember it was weird but okay

I emailed the clinical coordinator of my school to ask why i don't have a place for my clinical yet

I almost had a nervous breakdown bcos clinical practice is starting next week and i don't know my clinical placement until only now
it was like a week before i start i got the info that was just nerve wracking 

Then after like an hour waiting for the reply i finally knew where my clinical was

Luckily i have it every Thursday and i will have 12 hour shift that means i would get Fridays off

I almost lost it and lose my hope luck was on my side

Tonight as i looked at my window the moon was beautiful and peaceful i wish i was the same beaut 

Goodnight zZzz

safari adventure

My family and i went to the African Lion Safari

It was like an hour away from our place

We got there almost lunch time and we had a little picnic time in the shed area

They had a lot of tables so that was good

Then we watched mother and baby elephants swim and play together in the water

While inside the car we went to Nairobi sanctuary where animals like lions and cheetah were

It took one hour to visit every animal they had

The place was really huge bcos they need to keep spaces between each animals they wouldn't know if one could attack the other animal and maybe eat them

My favourites were the lions, the rhinoceros, the zebras, and the giraffes

Mom thought two of the giraffes were just statue bcos they were not moving at all

but in fact they were alive and kicking they were just very good in standing still

They were baboons, ostriches, kangaroos, bulls, and deers and many more that i didn't mention

Good thing we were inside the car bcos that would be too much of walking

They said some of the animals climb on top of the cars but it didn't happen today

I think the animals were tired bcos it was really hot outside

We went to ride the boat cruise it was pretty quick but nice

We also went to line up for the scenic railway ride which was a small train it wasn't bad

After that we had an ice cream break i had chocolate chip cookie dough in a waffle cone

It was delicious it was melting pretty quick bcos it was just too hot

We watched 3 shows they had

The first one was parrot paradise 

Parrots and other birds showing off their talents and such

The second one was birds of prey flying demonstration

Birds showing off their flying and hunting skills

It was really amusing how birds were trained to follow their trainers

If birds were set free, weren't they gonna go fly away and escape?

But it was just awesome to watch

The last one was elephant round up

The elephants were fun to watch doing tricks and stunts

One could paint, one even played soccer and the other shot a ball in a basket ring

I was gonna ride an elephant it was an additional $8 per person

But then there was a huge line up so i didn't go besides it was getting late already

We decided it would be next time

My uncle bought me a flipbook it was two lions playing with each other

I chose the lion flipbook bcos i'm a leo well that didn't quite answer the question why i chose it

My aunt on the other hand picked the elephant flipbook well simply bcos she's an elephant lover

She has tons of elephant statues at their house

If you don't know i love flipbooks i even asked Eunice to make me one but she didn't give it to me yet i wonder when it would be ~~~

I didn't realize but my stepdad said we were at the safari for like 7 hours 

i couldn't believe it myself

I enjoyed some quality time with my family besides i've been hanging out too much i would say with my friends this summer but all is good

At least i've spent my summer well bcos it would be fall season soon

I would be busy in school and so are my friends so we wouldn't gonna meet each other as often as this summer

I enjoyed this day 

If you want to watch my vlog here's the link

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ub9c9IQi_zg&list=UUcAZdB-trbPVRf6bRuBOEHg

Enjoy ^^

fam party

I came along with my stepdad to go to his brother's house bcos he was celebrating his birthday
Mom couldn't come bcos she was working again
She even has work on Labour day
Anyway we went to pick up his sister first then his mother basically she's like my grandma now
It took an hour to get to the house
There was lots of food
We ate we hang out we talked
They even asked me if i have a boyfriend already
Of course i said no i don't really have one
We played bingo for 3 times and i won 2 times
Weren't i lucky
The prize was like $1 for the first time i won
And on my second time i won $5 bcos it was the last game already
Then we chill at their backyard
They have a huge house and a really large backyard
It was really nice out there
What i really liked about their house was their kitchen it was really spacious and they have this nice table top
I forgot to mention they have a snake as a pet
I didn't get to know its name
but i think it was a constricting snake, non poisonous boa or so my stepdad said
My step uncle well he's like my uncle now the one whose birthday it was
he gave me my own fishing rod
It wasn't my birthday but he gave me a gift
He said he'll be taking me to go fishing someday with my stepdad when they have free time
They knew i never went to go fishing and i never tried it
They also said i need to get a fishing license bcos i'm a young adult now
It's like $20 i think in Canadian Tire so that wasn't that bad at all
I would love to go and try
I like new experiences they are fun to try
I'm spontaneous that's just me
On our way home i wanted some ice cream so we had a stopover
I bought a strawberry shortcake flavoured ice cream and soft baked cookies they are just my favourites
Truth be told i can never resist them
I hope everyone had a good day bcos i did